my journey

I have not been around here much lately. I have had a lot on mind. Too much to share here. Or, more accurately, not sure how to really share it all. I have been focused on ME these days..

Who am I?
What do I want?
How do I want to express myself?

Sometimes these thoughts leave me feeling deflated and hopeless and annoyed with myself. Not exactly the inspiring stuff that I want the whole world to know about.

Sounds a little dismal, I know. But it hasn't been, really, I promise. It is more like I am finding my footing again. Re-learning and discovering who I want to be in the world.

My focus for many years now has been on being a mom. Researching, reading, experimenting with what works to bring out the best in my kids. That is all that has mattered. And it has been great.. I love my kids and I am so, so proud of who they are becoming. But my attention lately has not been on that. It has been on me, who am I becoming? I find sharing about that is more difficult than talking about my kids. Hence, the silence.


You see, there is this whole art thing. If you have been following this blog for awhile, you know that Don and I really value the creative process and work really hard to make sure creativity is part of our everyday lives. BUT, most of that creativity has been focused on giving my children the space and freedom to be artists, to create. Yes, I will whip out the sewing machine and make stuff every now and then.. craftiness is easy (for me). But what about ART?



You know, creating something for the beauty of it. Just because. Expressing something deep within my heart and soul. Nope. Have not been focusing on that.

Until recently. I have been exploring this question of who I am and what I want to create in the world. It has been an interesting thought process for sure. Full of inspiration, doubts, questioning myself. Some days - not so pretty. But here I am looking, seeking, delving in (and now telling about it).


It's funny, all growing up, I always surrounded myself with creative friends, have always been drawn like a moth to the light toward creative souls. But, I have never really thought of myself as an artist. I studied math in college! There was a period when I was living in Seattle that I declared "I am an artist!" My living room became my studio and I painted most every day. Ugly, awful painting, but I did it. Then I moved to Europe and was working myself silly, so I stopped. And that was the end of that.

But, in the back of mind, I knew. I know. There is an artist inside me. Lurking, dying to get out. It is who I am.

What I will create, I have no idea.. but create I am now doing.



(The pictures here are from last night. My friend Jenica started these RAW nights (RAW = Random Art Workshops) in Salt Lake City and when I read about it on her blog, I knew that this was something I wanted to do. So, last night I invited a bunch of friends over to hang out, make art and just be with each other. There was painting, beading, crocheting, collaging. All of us just doing whatever we felt like doing. It was AWESOME! Having support in my own artist journey I think is the key to keep on moving forward...)